Crisped Not Burnt
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: "I tripped and the flour hit a spark."


Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: "I tripped and the flour hit a spark."

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but can be read as a standalone. One-shot requested by Lady Firewing. Enjoy!

**Crisped Not Burnt**

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20 Greenroof 1002

I do wonder at times just how exactly I end up in some of the more...interesting (sounds better than disastrous no matter what Oreius says) situations I find myself in. Maybe Murphy has me on his hit list? (Oreius thinks I give Murphy too much credit...I think the Kentauri doesn't give the Law of Murphy _enough_ credit.) Anyway, for whatever reason I managed to turn a rather mundane task into...well...it, well suffice it to say, that it had a somewhat crispy ending. And, contrary to what the irritable, paranoid, always-jumps-to-the-worst-case-scenario Centaur General believes, I did not plan this one...at all.

"Dame Sepphora! Dame Sepphora!"

I spun around just in time to see a large Tiger barreling toward me. Fortunately, he managed to slide to a stop before he knocked me over (unlike the last eight times). Sarti looked up at me with a lot more excitement than my walking through the barracks deserved (you know, as opposed to when I'm sneaking through trying to avoid Oreius). "Dame Sepphora, where are you going?" Newsflash: Sarti has never heard of the concept of an inside voice.

"I'm heading to the kitchens."

Sarti completely deflated at my answer (yes, I deflated a 300lb Tiger...a surprisingly pitiful sight)...I didn't even know what he thought my answer might be, but he didn't expect anything as mundane as a trip to the kitchens. "Oh." He stayed hunched for a moment then he perked back up, "Are you going to play another prank or yell in your funny language again?" Did I mention that Sarti is a very young Tiger? And well...quite frankly he's a bit of a dork... He's also completely fascinated with the way I tend to spout Irish when irate, hence the funny language question.

I almost laughed, but didn't want the adorable lug (What can I say? The dorky Tiger is cute) to think I was laughing at him. I smiled instead, "No pranks today, Sarti. And, I don't plan on yelling."

Sarti chuffed but was called away by his older cousin Kumbali before he could ask another question. I was pretty sure he wished Oreius was in the Cair so he could watch me prank him again...or yell at him in Irish. While most, if not all, of the Cair's residents and the Narnian Army believe I have a death wish for mocking, annoying, pranking, challenging, and otherwise provoking a Centaur who also happened to be the General of the Army (it's not a death wish, just highly entertaining for some reason), they also find it a frequent source of amusement (that they carefully hide from Oreius whenever possible). And since the Kentauri was currently out on one of the longer patrols, there hadn't been as much amusement coming their way for the last week and a half (it does get boring after a while...like a day or so). However, I was quite proud of myself for not getting into trouble since...well, since I dumped the Narnian equivalent of Habenero pepper seeds into Oreius' coffee (Ardon got some too...they didn't exactly appreciate the experience) about four weeks earlier.

My good behavior and ability to stay relatively under the radar (amazing I know) were pretty much why I was able to get into the barrack kitchens without anyone really noticing my presence... Well that and the fact that at just before second hour on a Firstday afternoon the majority of the army was just getting into afternoon drills plus the real cooking didn't start until fourth hour, so the kitchens were pretty much empty. I ducked past the two cooks, a Red Dwarf and a Faun, who were in the main kitchen area to reach far back corner kitchen (kitchens being divided into four various sized rooms). As I had told Sarti, I wasn't in the kitchens to play a prank. I was there to satisfy a craving. Now, don't get me wrong, Narnia has wonderfully delicious and diverse cuisine (especially depending on what species your host is...Lucy told me that Edmund and Peter have been courteously offered bugs by the Bats, they have never said whether they _ate_ the bugs after accepting them) and what they consider field rations could beat MREs just by being in same country. However, there are certain foods from the other world that Narnians just don't get but I miss. At that particular moment, I was missing snickerdoodles...you know, sugar cookies covered in cinnamon (at least craving snickerdoodles wouldn't get me accused of cannibalism by a half-deaf Platypus...long story).

A quick check confirmed that all the ingredients I needed were in stock...I was ready to start baking. The first batch of dough was perfect and I ended up with just over four dozen perfect snickerdoodles. The problem started after I had already wrapped up and placed the snickerdoodles in a tin. I decided to go ahead and make one more batch of dough (I wasn't planning on eating all these snickerdoodles by myself, by the way, I was going to share...eventually)...this was a bad decision. I should have just taken my snickerdoodles and run.

One of the things about baking is when working with flour, one must be mindful of what's in the room in case a cloud of flour dust occurs...because flour (and its dust) is flammable. I happened to learn that lesson firsthand so I was being very careful. However, it turned out that I wasn't quite careful enough as I prepared the flour mix. I picked up the bowl to move it to the other table where the other ingredients were waiting and took a single step back, whereupon I promptly tripped over a large furry body. Guess who? The bowl flew up out of my hands and the flour mix hit the air. I snapped, "Sarti!" And, then the one thing I did not want to happen happened: the cloud of flour in the air reached the fireplace...and in a flash the cloud of dust became a cloud of flame with a loud pop and woosh.

I automatically threw my arms over my face at the blast of heat and Sarti hissed (fortunately the menace of a dork didn't stand because my legs were still draped over his back). Once the heat died away, I cautiously peeked out from under my arms before lowering them completely. I winced just from what I could see while lying on the ground and standing up (carefully avoiding Sarti) definitely did not improve the view. The entire room was well, crisped, for lack of a better word (and I don't want to say burned). I hung my head in disbelief. _I cannot believe this happened...again. _Sarti bumped his huge head against my hand and I just scratched behind his ears as I looked over the damage...it wasn't as bad as it could have been all things considered. I mean, it was only an explosion of minor proportions as opposed to a big one.

Shouts from outside (we were in the room that was closest to the armory and training yards) made me realize the noise of the explosion had probably scared the living daylights out of the two cooks and any soldiers close enough to hear it. Not even a second later, Kori the Cair's head cook came hurrying into the room followed closely by Ardon and Sherket...uh-oh. The Red Dwarf matron took a look around and then she rubbed her eyes and looked again...Ardon and Sherket looked like they wanted to mimic her actions. Then, all three looked at me and I shrugged. "I tripped and the flour hit a spark."

Their gazes immediately dropped from me to Sarti as the overgrown fuzzball cowered behind my legs (like they really wouldn't see him). Kori gave a longsuffering sigh before she fell back on practicality, "Well, at least it wasn't the main kitchens and it doesn't look like it was burnt too bad. But, Dame Sepphora, I think this mess will be cleaned faster if you were _not_ here." I had no problems with obliging her, stopping only to scoop up the tin of snickerdoodles I had already made (no sense letting good snickerdoodles go to waste...and they weren't even crispy).

I followed Ardon and Sherket outside while Sarti slunk along behind me. Sherket hissed and Sarti reluctantly left his place hiding behind my legs to slink after her back to the barracks, the poor dork was in for a lecture big time. Ardon and I turned to look back at the kitchen room I had unintentionally turned slightly more crispy than usual. He looked down at me and I could hear the amusement he wasn't able to completely keep out of his voice, "All that for some biscuits?" (Narnians are distinctly British in their choice of words, least from what I can tell...hence they call cookies biscuits).

I gave a dismissive wave, "This wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been, trust me. And, it was for snickerdoodles."

Ardon gave me a questioning look and I silently opened the tin and offered him a snickerdoodle. After finishing it, he seemed to be a little more understanding. He started to leave then he turned back and asked, "Katerina Alambiel, have you done this before?"

I busied myself with refastening the lid on the tin as I muttered, "Only once and I was ten." He chuckled. Then, I stilled as a new thought came to mind and I cautiously asked, "Ardon, does Oreius have to know about this?"

He glanced from me to the kitchens then back to me before he simply stated, "Ask Oreius."

I nodded. Great. The Kentauri was probably not going to be happy about hearing what happened even if it wasn't my fault. Back in my rooms, I sat at my desk with the tin of snickerdoodles within easy reach (for fortification purposes) and tried to think of the best way to inform Oreius via letter that I nearly blew up/ burned down the kitchens for the army barracks without using those words. I bit into a snickerdoodle as I dipped my quill in ink and started the first of a series of letters I knew would be flying back and forth between the Kentauri and I on the topic. At least the snickerdoodles were still utter perfection.

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**A/N: Please read and review! So, short one-shot based off the sixth chapter of _Letters_ as requested. Hope you enjoyed it. Leave a review below and let me know what y'all thought of this one and if you have any other requests/suggestions for future stories.**


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